He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Never let your siblings swipe right.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
