If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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