I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
