that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
