My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
