May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
