I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
