M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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