Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
