Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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