So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
