think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
