You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
