i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
