I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
