Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
