At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize