cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
pray to the hookup gods
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
