Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
