That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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