Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
