yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
