So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
