yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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