i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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