Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
