Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
