i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
