idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
