Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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