grandma shit on top of the toilet
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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