im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
