the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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