Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
