Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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