Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Pants are for mortals
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
