made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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