U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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