would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize