She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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