I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
