Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
