my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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