I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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