3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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