well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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