Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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