I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
