She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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