I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize