well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
