1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
