You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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