don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
