All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I could make wine with my vomit
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
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