i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
