You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
