If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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