I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
