Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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