I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
