there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
