they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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