I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
