Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
