i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
