Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
