Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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