I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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