I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
