i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
