Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
