I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
